Thursday, December 27, 2007

Lost

31/12/07 has always been the day I have been looking forward to for the past 2 years. I can still remember 2 years ago when I took that dreaded ferry from our island to Tekong. For the past 2 years, all I could look forward to was the day I ORD from the army.

The big day came swiftly, especially the last month of my service and because I was clearing my leave/off, I didn't go back to camp for the most of the month. It's ironic how I have been looking forward to this day so much but yet I felt nothing on that actual day itself. I came into the camp around 9 plus in the morning. A couple of colleagues went past and uttered good luck and went on their way hurriedly after saying they have something urgent to attend to.

I went back to my coy line to pack my stuff and the whole place was already buzzing with activities with the daily routine chores to be done. It was the usual 'good luck and goodbye' stuff in general and life goes on for everybody. It's funny how we have been working and seeing each other for the past 1 year plus and suddenly, there is a high possiblilty that we will not see each other ever again. We have become just another passer-by in each other's life.

I then packed my stuff and collected my pink IC and visited a few of my other friends in other parts of the camp. It was usual stuff all over again and I left the camp and instead of feeling happy as I thought I should, I feel kind of empty inside. For the past 2 years, all I could think of was this day and now that this day has finally come, I realized that I have not really planned anything ahead.

Standing at the gate of the camp with my stuff in tow, my mind was a blank.

So. Where now?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Prophecy

"I don't think you will last long in this job. In sales you need a lot of determination and preservence. You must be willing to fail and fail and fail," he said.

And I think he's right. I really can't see myself lasting long here.

Where has the usual inner self-belief and confidence gone to?