What will be shall be

She

She used to carry a sling bag like a boy. She would chuckle at anything you tell her, and she would laugh so hard that she will develop stomach cramps. Her smile was one of her distinct features and she was nice to everybody and I had never seen her lose her temper.

We used to engage in shallow gossip and talked about anything under the sun. Come to think of it, there wasn't much content in our conversations. We would just rattle on and on and time would just pass like that. I would say we enjoyed each other's company very much and were pretty close.

That was almost 9 years ago.

I was surprised to run into you today. From the yester-years the girl I knew, today you are a woman. You wore heavy make-up, carries a Chanel handbag and even wore high heels. But that smile was unmistakably yours.

We settled down for a cup of coffee at the nearby StarBucks. I was astonished you are now a smoker. I could remember the days where you would frown whenever you see me holding a cigarette.

"Stress." You said.

I smiled and said nothing. After all, it has been 9 long years. A lot of things could change and happen in 9 years.

I was glad for you that you have been doing well . You have graduated from University and now working in a line which you have always shown keen interest in since the days I know you.

You took a long drag from your cigarette and your mind wandered elsewhere. There was a long silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, its just that you needed some time to arrange your thoughts. And I was ready to wait.

But the moment you started, you simply couldn't stop. We talked about the days when we were in Secondary School, to your JC days and when you were in Uni. I was mostly the listener. You were so happy while you talked about the good old days. You were almost in the state where you were already oblivious to the surroundings and you just couldn't stop talking.

But I saw something else. Those eyes. There was a look of longing, longing for something that is already long gone.

Things haven't been going too smoothly for you this couple of years.

Our topic slowly shifted to that of office politics. Betrayal, backstabbing, the quest for survival.
You have a look of weariness on your face. Even your beautiful eyelashes couldn't hide it. Then you started to splatter everything out. How you were backstabbed by your colleague. How someone who claimed to be your friend but yet was the one who inserted the final cut into your body. The unscrupulous methods people use to achieve their aims. How you already couldn't distinguish a smile from a smirk.

We were so young then. So free and innocent and nothing was too big for us. There wasn't too many things that needed worrying.

Back then, we used to joke how when we grew up , we will earn even more money than Bill Gates. How we will just travel round the world and even retire at the age of 30. You even once remarked you will open your own company and employ me and pay me $10000 a month. We were so naive.

Welcome to the reality adult world.

"Sorry. I was talking so much about myself that I forgot to ask how you were doing," you said.

I then joked about how I was one of the oldest recruit in the army at the age of 23 and all those crap that happened. I went back to my Poly days and extracted a few highlights and shared with you.

You were laughing hard and that glitter began to return to your face. A pity it only lasted a while. There was another break of silence and this time, you were very far away.

"Looks like you are still that same old Yifan I knew," you finally broke the silence. "You know, I really wish to go back to the good old days. To the days where I was still so innocent and where there was so much fun and no cruelty. I want to go back where I was totally free of worries, to the time where there was not a need to worry about my rice bowl."

There was a look of calmness and relief on your face after you vexed out your frustrations. Perhaps you have already resigned to the fact that this is just about the life you are going to lead for the next 20 years or so. Perhaps you are much stronger than I thought.

Its getting late and I walked you to the MRT. We exchanged our goodbyes and when I was about to turn and leave, you suddenly stopped me.

"You know, I really miss those days. If possible, I really want to turn back clock and go back again. Even if its just for a day,I would be very contended already," was her parting words.

I know. So do I.

posted by malmoncolo @ 2:35 AM