Thursday, July 13, 2006

The woes and blues of a 50 year-old man

Dear Government,

I am a 50 year old man living in the eastern part of Singapore. Recently I have been very troubled. I feel that that is a conspiracy going on targeted at men of my age.

At the recent Election, I and a few of my friends have pledged our alliance to the PAP by voting for them. The main reason for that was because of the progress package that we received. We were touched that the Government had decided to take out some money from the national treasury and RETURN a bit of it to us (take note: They return us some money. Not give us some money). The bit of money certainly helps. With the World Cup approaching, we certainly could do with some extra money for betting.

However, I realized some drastic changes after the GE. Shortly after the GE, the Government announced that with effect from 1st July, smoking will be banned in most parts of a coffeeshop. Only around 10 to 20% of a coffeeshop will be allocated as smoking area. That brings back memories of me in the ARMY around 30 years ago. It's like smoking inside a yellow box back then.

My friends and I used to hang out in a coffeeshop drinking beer and smoking, talking about everything under the sun. Nowadays, when I call them out for a beer, they usually replied,"For what? Cannot smoke leh." And he's right. With the majority of people who frequents a coffeeshop being smokers, the chances of getting one 'smokable' table is difficult. Furthermore, smoking and drinking beer comes together, very much like soya bean milk and you tiao. By taking one away, something seems amiss.

You may argue that if one wants to smoke, he or she can go inside the yellow box. But trust me, the image of 9 to 10 middle-aged uncles cramping inside a small box to smoke is a hilarious sight. It seems like being punished by a teacher in school and asked to stand outside the class.
To top things up, the Government has raised the price of cigarettes once again- from $11 to $11.20 per pack. It is certainly comforting to see the younger generation unable to afford the price of poison sticks. My 20-year-old son told me that none of his friends are smokers because of the price and of course, my son couldn't afford it too due to me cutting his pocket money so as to keep up with my expensive habit.

A pack used to cost $1 plus only back when I was young. Now it has escalated to more than 10 times the price. Quit smoking? Do you know that people actually die after quitting the poison sticks suddenly? To people like us, cigarettes are not toxic. They are our tonic.

But oh. I definitely welcome the hike in price for taxi fares. I feel that Taxi drivers deserve to get paid more. Why? Because they work for such long hours, mostly up to 12 hours per shift. Furthermore, the oil price has gone up too, increasing their financial burden. People who could afford to take a cab certainly could afford the additional 10 cents and $1 extra surcharge. So you see, I am not that type to complain about everything. When credits are due, I usually give them so keep it up. And by the way, I drive a Taxi.

And then the stricter rules imposed on a massage parlor. It's one of me and my peers' monthly highlight to visit the massage parlor. Now the rules state that there are to be no enclosed rooms and only Singaporeans, PRs and Malaysians are allowed to work in a massage parlor. My xiao-cui, xiao-hua and xiao-lian have all been deported back to China and I will miss their touches....

Slowly but surely, various forms of our entertainment have been taken away from us. I don't want to be reduced to a boring old fart sitting in a Community Centre and play chess all day long. I want my beer and fags. I want my cheap cigarettes. I want my xiao-cui, xiao-hua and xiao-lian. Please give them all back to me.

Love,
50 year-old man


Editor's note: Malmoncolo would like to stress that he is merely lending a space for this dirty old man to voice out his concerns and he has nothing to do with the contents above. After all, Malmoncolo is still a charming 23 year-old man, not a 50 year-old dirty old man.

posted by malmoncolo @ 11:09 PM